For my One Word intentional practice this year, with my word CONNECT, I plan to choose a focus each month, according to what seems most important to me as time goes by. .
It was easy for me to choose my first goal. There’s no question that a fundamental issue for me is connecting with my body, the foundation of my experience and repository of tremendous complexity and wisdom, as well as the apparent source of many problems. For much of my life, I was at war with my body. I abused it, ignored it, and criticized it. In this, I thought I was following the lead of others, starting with the sneers and gibes of children when I was in grade school and started to go through puberty. I was not pretty enough, not thin enough, not dressed fashionably enough. My body was doing strange and frightening things, turning into something unfamiliar, and though I was intellectually educated in what was going on, it did not help me with the feelings of fear and repugnance I developed. From this time on, there was a fundamental split between my body and my consciousness that took years to heal.
It’s been a painful journey, but one benefit is that I now know for certain that no bodies are bad or evil, and no message from our body is ever wrong or to be dismissed; only our mistaken interpretations can lead us astray. Connecting with our bodies is the first and inescapable step of walking the path toward the spirit. Our bodies are gifts from the spirit, and gratitude for this gift opens the doors on the further way. Hatred, disgust, and repugnance for bodies (our own or those of others) keeps those doors tightly locked.
So this month, I’ve tried to recall all that I’ve learned, and make a special effort to care for and appreciate my body. I’ve started working with a functional medicine practitioner to try to address some digestive issues that have been plaguing me for many years (going gluten free helped, but it’s still not enough). It’s a financial investment, and involves at least temporarily giving up more foods I’m addicted to, but I can already feel it’s a good step toward stopping the abuse of my body by listening to its signals instead of ignoring them. Putting resources of money and time into this effort will pay off, I hope.
I also am becoming more aware of the effects of emotional and psychological stress on my body, which I am sure played a role in developing those digestive problems in the first place. Thankfully I am no longer in the type of high-stress situation that I was experiencing for quite some time in the recent past, but I retain habits of doing too much and taking on more responsibility than I really need to. My mind always wants to jump ahead and leave my slower, denser body behind. But I want to stop this pattern and be less impatient. Paying attention to my body helps me to reach my goal more thoroughly and deeply, if less quickly.
To reduce unnecessary stress I decided to stop all my personal language-learning efforts for the time being. I had been inching along with private lessons and independent study, and I do enjoy it, but it is a strain on my aging brain and therefore on my body. I hate feeling like I still talk like Tarzan in German and make tons of mistakes, but in fact I can cope in the everyday situations I meet, and I can wait to progress further. At least till I get this digestive problem sorted out, I’ll give it a rest. I am trying to be more mindful of the gift inherent in each physical action, in the input of my senses and in the wonder of every movement.
I think the most important thing I can do to connect with my body is to say THANK YOU. Thank you for bearing me through life! Thank you for all you do for me, tireless heart beating, faithful lungs breathing, wise liver sifting and sorting, powerful muscles moving me everywhere, steadfast bones bearing all my weight. I’m so sorry I’ve been impatient and critical with your flaws; I had a wrong impression that other people were perfect and I was the defective one. But I know now that everyone has flaws, and that’s what makes us our special selves. If we can accept our so-called “defects” and work with them, not against them, then true healing can take place. To me, that is the message of the cross.
I’m so grateful for the chance to work on this month’s intention, and looking forward to whatever comes next. Do you have a word that you are following this year? Or what have you learned this month?
I am so proud of you for taking the effort to take good care of your body and to actually listen to what it needs. I feel you about the digestive issues. Here’s hoping they’ll much improve over time.
Thank you so much, Astrid! Things are getting better. It’s just a matter of adjustment.
Lory, I love the conclusion you came to … to say “thank you” your body for bringing you this far successfully. I feel like you’ve described the journey of so many of us when it comes to learning to accept our bodies as they are while also trying to give ourselves the best shot at aging well. Good luck with the dietary changes … I hope they help.
Thanks Lois. I do feel better already.
I can be disconnected with my body at times too. I tend to lean more into my head and my heart, and my body gets the short straw. However, I’m beginning a yoga practice for 30 days to bring more balance. We’ll see how it goes. It was really hard today. 🙂
I think it’s marvelous that you are investing in healing your body and your relationship with it. Such a beautiful way to CONNECT! I’m trying to tell my body “thank you” more often too. It’s done so many incredible things for me through the years. Thanks for sharing this, Lory. I love reading about your journey of connection.
Thanks for the opportunity Lisa, as always. I hope your yoga practice does give you some balance, but take it slow — it can be difficult to stretch when not accustomed.
If we don’t take care of our body, it can be nearly impossible to take care of others. I’m proud of you!
Thank you for that validation. We need to encourage each other in our healing processes.
Amen!