Six years in Switzerland

People often ask how I like living in Switzerland. I always smile and say I like it, it’s beautiful, I appreciate many things.

I don’t tell them that for me, moving to Switzerland was a lot like dying.

Though not to be compared to the desperate flights of many forced to leave their homes, in danger of their lives — I moved by choice, after all, and my other half’s origins are here — I did find it a disorienting, even traumatic experience. I had to sort through the possessions of a lifetime, deciding what to keep and what to give away, sell, or discard. Every book, every piece of paper, every plaything or item of clothing had to be evaluated, and for the most part, released to another plane of existence. Only a tiny fraction of all the things that had formed my environment for decades are still with me.

It turned out I really did not need most of what I’d left behind, but still, the letting go was not easy.

When asked if I miss the States, “I miss the people,” is what I say. Although I’m thankful to be able to stay in touch with friends and family via modern technology, it’s not the same as in-person contact. Sometimes they, too, seem as far away as if they had been left behind in another world.

Most of all I miss my language, the seamless sense of belonging, the taken-for-granted ability to understand and be understood. Losing this was like losing a body in which I’d been accustomed to move easily and freely, and taking on a new body that was awkward, stiff, and missing many important parts.

Again, I adjusted, and it was a good thing for me to have to struggle with that awkwardness. It loosened me up in places I hadn’t even known were holding tension. And although such loosening can — like dying — be frightening, when I could feel safely contained within secure relationships, among people who knew who I was even when I couldn’t express myself clearly, I experienced a reordering and reorganization that I knew was ultimately better for me. A time of feeling limited and unfree helped me to reach a more flexible, more relaxed kind of freedom.

Most of all, I stopped worrying that making mistakes was going to kill me. The death of my former existence turned out to be medicine for some of the fears that were keeping me in chains.

Perhaps it’s no accident that the anniversary of my departure for Switzerland six years ago also happens to be my wedding anniversary. Both occasions marked momentous transitions when I had to grow into a new kind of community, a new experience of myself in relationship with others. Neither transition was easy, but both were immensely worthwhile.

The world itself seems to be in transition right now. And from my perspective on the other side of some scary letting-go processes, I want to say: don’t lose heart. Find your container. Release what you don’t need, and know that you need less than you think. Remember who you really are. Inhabit your body, learn a new language. A world awaits discovery.

One of the pleasures of being here is getting to share the experience with you. I’ve seen a good number of the sights of this lovely country over the years, though there is still much to explore. Below are links to all my “Postcards from Switzerland” posts so far, in celebration of a happy occasion. Hope you enjoy the tour!

• Solothurn
• Davos
• Fribourg
• Münster
• Ticino
• Lucerne
• Val Surses and Engadin
• Romainmoitier
• Meiringen
• St Ursanne
• Verenaschlucht